I've never really liked Mother's Day. I had taken the point of view that if mothers were treated properly, there was no need for a special day to single them out. My family always told me how grateful they were for the things I did for them and on Mother's Day, I only wished for peace and quiet and no cooking.
Through the years, because our family was relatively small, we occasionally opened our home to strangers who then became family.
First, we hosted a Japanese exchange student, Tomoko, when the girls were very young. Tomoko was the oldest of two daughters in her family. She was the perfect exchange student; she tried very hard to speak English, she interacted with the family whenever she was at home, and she helped me with the girls when they wouldn't behave. In return, we took her everywhere with us and as was tradition, gave her a gift before she went home. But instead of taking her to the Made in Oregon Store like the other host families, I made her a dress with fabric she picked out. But more than all that, a connection was made and when she went home, we cried. After only three weeks in our home, she felt like family. And amazingly enough, we stayed in contact and she came back to visit us several times over the years.
Many years later, we hosted a birth mother through LDS Family Services. Kristen was about 5 months pregnant when she came to live with us. She needed a home for the remainder of her pregnancy and we were happy to help. She had had a rough go of it before she came to us and when she found our home clean, un-judgmental, and welcoming, she allowed herself to become a part of it. She helped cook, clean, and interacted with the family every evening. She took all her meals with us and it felt like she was a part of the family. We helped her buy a car and taught her to drive a standard transmission. At the end of her time with us, we invited her mother, who was traveling from New Jersey to be with her at the birth, to stay with us. We invited her sister and brother-in-law to come visit her anytime they could and when the doctor she was seeing didn't address her fears of childbirth, I was on the phone to help find her someone who would. We were there for her after the baby was born, Bruce gave her a blessing, and she asked us to be with her when she placed her baby with the adoptive parents. It would be reasonable to expect that someone who had gone through all that would not want to remain in contact with people who would always remind them of such a dark time of their life. But Kristen was grateful and sometimes she needed to talk to someone who knew so she would drop in or come for dinner. And when we had eye surgery, she was there to help take care of us (we both had surgery the same day). She even moved back in with us for three months while she waited for the timing of a move to Salt Lake. She called us her Utah parents and we said she would always be a part of our family.
Over time, we frequently think of our Japanese daughter and our New Jersey daughter, though they have gone on with their lives. Pictures of Tomoko's two little boys and the times when we could get together with Kristen for dinner because we were going to be in Salt Lake kept us informed of what was happening in their lives and allowed them to catch up with our family, too. They were special moments that kept us connected.
About two years ago, my Christmas letter to Tomoko came back un-deliverable. The e-mail address I had for her went through, but I received no response. My heart was sad that we had lost contact. Then, last Thursday, she telephoned! Quite out of the blue, she called to say hello and wanted to get our e-mail address. Our lost connection was secured again. I'm sure she had no idea that her timing was so close to our American holiday, Mother's Day. What a wonderful gift; the best kind - a daughter calling home.
Kristen telephoned the next day. Often times, when Kristen would call, she would call Bruce; they have a special connection. But this time she called me to say she would be coming for Lisa's wedding in two weeks and wanted to know if there was anything she could do to help. She told me of her plans to take at least a day off work and come up early. She didn't need a place to stay, wanted to make sure she could bring her fiance (to which I responded that he was now family, too), and I insisted that she plan to at least take her meals with us. The next day, yesterday, flowers arrived at the door. A Mother's Day bouquet from Kristen and Cody!
I love my children. As with most children, they don't always bring me joy, but today, at this time of my life, they are about as good as it gets. Lisa's wedding is bringing family from across the country for a reunion that hasn't happened for a very long time. Amy is home from college for a short while, bringing with her all the drama that defines her. And Scott is successful in school, playing soccer and taking swimming lessons, and trying very hard to avoid the teenage boy traps that make other boys so unpleasant. He still gives me hugs.
This Mother's Day is one of the best.
